Some of us wonder, Why is my child so shy? or Why is my child so bold? or Why does my son like to read, but my daughter does not? Every single human being, whether a child or an adult, has a natural behavior or personality style complete with areas for growth and strength. My experience has shown that many successful people in business and in the arts are not always the ones with the most experience or the best education, but sustained success seemed to come to those who learned and leaned into their natural strengths. We are each wired to have the capacity to build a successful future if we develop and nurture those strengths. The information we’re sharing with you through My Wired Style will provide that insight.
Here, we’ll explore the differences in how we are each wired and the corresponding strengths, motivations and needs for each. For example, I like to know about everything that is going on in my life, in my husband’s life, and in our daughter’s life too. You see with a “D/I/C” blend personality wiring, I am wired to need control and that of course means I am naturally inquisitive so I can see what I can control.
One evening after a particularly difficult day at work, I came home to my then nine-year-old daughter and asked her, “So how was your day at school?” Of course, the answer was a flat “Okay,” after which my daughter promptly left the room. It frustrated me to no end to have her spend so many hours at school, about which I had very little information, and then have her not fill me in when I expressed interest. That of course, made me feel disconnected from her experience, her failure or her success. My daughter was not interested in having a conversation about her day at all – it wasn’t important to her…although it was very important to me.
Of course as a parent not unlike you, I dream of my child’s future, at times it is a glorious dream where she was a successful physician who just happened to be President of the United States, right after her recent touchdown from the space shuttle where she discovered a new universe. At other times, I feared she would be struggling to contribute to our world, all the while knowing somehow it was my fault (I know typical parental guilt right!). My success focus for her can easily shift to our relationship. I know what it means to have a heart for your child. My relationship with Melissa has always been one of the most important things in my life. Recently, when a Coach asked what I thought my purpose in life was, it was clear to me that at the top of my list was to be a great nurturer to my daughter, to help Melissa reach her purpose.
When I engage successfully with her, I can see the evidence of the good feeling of our connection in her eyes, and in my heart I feel a resounding “YES!” What I see in her eyes is, “Yes, you understand me,” and what I feel is, “Yes, I understand you, and yes, this is working!”
Looking back at my experience working with individuals and organizations in more than 13 countries on 5 continents, I have found a similar trait among those that have enjoyed sustained success. They simply leaned into their natural ‘wired’ strengths and amazing results occurred. Identifying your child's strengths and nurturing them sets them on their path to sustained success.
So how are you and your child wired?