Have a young child in a meltdown? A teen struggling through some feelings? Did you know there is a clear link between our child's wired style and their emotional needs? Here are a few key emotional needs for each wired style:
D wired child - They need to feel that others (including their parents) are loyal to them. If they catch you on the phone with Grandma telling them something they did wrong or didn't do at all, they will become indignant or enraged by the lack of loyalty they feel coming from us. The same is true with their friends and teachers.
They need C-O-N-T-R-O-L, they want to be in control of everything in their life but of course they can't so helping them to gain control where appropriate is important as well as providing them with control over something. C'mon Mom and Dad, there is something they do well and you can slowly give them some control with the responsibility that comes with it.
I Wired Child - Our I wired kids are desperate for our attention and approval. Emotionally, they tend to associate their value with getting everyone's attention and approval. When as parents we are distracted while they're singing, dancing, telling a joke, doing cartwheels (you see where we're going...) and without looking up from our computer we say something lame like 'Oh thats good honey", they become upset and feel rejected that we didn't see/hear them.
Approval is the same problem, while these kids are loud and sometimes at the wrong time, they are seeking our approval. Now here's the thing parents, if we don't provide them with the attention and approval they seek but their friends do ...guess which relationship they value more. Thats right parents, so lets fill their emotional bucket at home.
S Wired Child - These relaxed and laid back children value peace, quiet and a non-confrontational atmosphere. Their emotional bucket is filled by being needed and feeling competent in the things they do. One way we can fill this need is to find things they're really great at and give them lots of times at bat , doing it over and over and over again. They need for us to respect and appreciate them for who they already are, not for who 'we' want them to be.
So be sure to tell them, that you appreciate them and why, that will fill their bucket well.
C Wired Child - Our C wired children are more sensitive then most. Being more reserved, they value and need space, time on their own, time to decompress and energize themselves. Sometimes, when parents don't realize that our C wired children's emotional needs include this type of alone time, we admonish them for being anti-social, etc. But once we realize this is how they recharge, and we honor their need for this time, they can then rejoin the family fun with a better point of view.
They need a peaceful atmosphere in order to truly relax and once we provide them with this, we can truly connect with them in a way that brings satisfaction to everyone!
So for their emotional buckets... fill 'er up and they'll have plenty to pour out into the world!